I'm starting to get the feeling we're not going to be expanding our family. (*sigh*) It's not that Mike and I have discussed it, but as Jason gets older and more independent, going back to the baby stage simply isn't as tempting. Part of me is very sad that I'll never get to experience pregnancy again and part of me is relieved that training another baby to sleep through the night is not in my future. Just to be clear: I'm much more sad than relieved. Also to be clear, this is not a final decision, per se, merely an observation of a probability.
Honestly, my biggest concern is that we currently have an odd number of kids. Jason is getting old enough to truly play with his sister and brother now, and I'm noticing there's usually an odd man out when all of the kids try to do something together.
Ryan and Kaylin have always played together pretty well, even more when Kaylin was younger and passively went along with whatever Ryan wanted to do. After she began pre-school and gained some independence, the bickering increased because, suddenly, Kaylin had an opinion. Even now, when Jason is napping on the weekends and the big kids need to find something creative to do, they really do get along beautifully. Most of the time...
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| The big kids "fishing" last weekend. |
When Ryan was still in public school, Jason and Kaylin played much more nicely together. She's the loving, motherly type and played with him the way a babysitter would...teaching, showing, nurturing. Around the time he turned two (which was ironically when Ryan began homeschooling), he started getting really rough with her. He would hit, pinch, scratch or pull her hair just to get the dramatic whiny-cry that she never failed to deliver. She smothered him with love and he retaliated by being rough to drive her away. Watching their little dance reminded me of an abusive marital relationship...it was horrible! Months later, we're finally getting a handle on the situation: he's learning to be more gentle while she's learning not to react emotionally, which only eggs him on.
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| Mr. Potato people |
Then there's the boys. Every day after Ryan walks Kaylin to the bus stop, there's a 30 minute window of time before Jason goes down for a nap. The way the boys play together never fails to crack me up. Jason can be (almost) as rough as he wants with Ryan and they thrive on getting their energy out on each other. Their new little bond is really cool to watch!
Unfortunately, when they're all home on the weekends, it seems that they can't quite figure out how to cooperate in their play. I'll overhear Jason wrecking a creation that the big kids made or exclaiming that it's his turn (when it's usually not) while Ryan and Kaylin battle over who will be in charge of the situation.
Once Kaylin is done with Kindergarten in a couple weeks, this is something I plan to focus on. I hate seeing one kid left out when the connection between the other two kicks into high gear. The kids all three get along well when in pairs, but they don't mesh quite as well when they are all together.
I'd like to see all three kids continue to have a good relationship without accidentally kicking someone out of their little club. Even though I was an only child, I saw this same pattern with friendships: the drama increased when a third friend was added.
Any advice from anyone who had two siblings? Is it even possible to avoid this predicament?!?
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3 comments:
I hope you can find a solution. I'm the third out of 4 kids. All ~4yrs apart. Growing up I could play boy stuff with my younger brother or girl stuff with my sis (2nd oldest). I never played with my oldest sis. Since she's 8 yrs older, she was more of a mom/babysitter relationship to me. Rarely did 3 of us play together. Now that we are all adults, married & have kids of our own, our relationships haven't changed much. I still feel like odd man out when I'm with both my sisters. If I need advice, I go to my oldest sis first. If I want someone just to talk and BS with, I call my other sis. And I'm still the closest to our brother. So basically, if you can put in the work now for them to all interact well it will payoff in the longrun. Sorry I don't have any advice.
I know I only have 2 little darlings, but I spent MANY school years as part of a trio of friends, and vividly remember the alliances shifting constantly. There was ALWAYS one person who was more on the fringes (temporarily), and it ALWAYS changed again in a few weeks' time. I think it's just the nature of a trio, and personally, I don't feel there's anything to worry about. It's another Life Lesson to learn how to handle being the 'third wheel' and also to learn that relationships naturally fluctuate. Of course, kids won't be able to put it into words like that, but they'll figure out how to manage themselves....even if it does mean a few tears and lumps along the way.
I say, let them feel the negative emotions and experiences at home where it's safe. They'll only be more prepared for the big scary world out there, when Life ISN'T always as kind and loving to them. They'll be great!
xoxoxoxoox
I am the oldest of 4 kids and we are all 2 year apart. When we would play together it would always be 2 against 2. Think tag team wrestling. I think no matter how many kids you have you'll have problems like this. Now as an adult, my brothers, sister and I are extremely close!
We, on the other hand, have 3 kids. Our oldest is a boy and then we have 2 daughters. Our son rarely plays with the girls (although they are only 1.5 years apart). He likes to think he's too old for them. Stinking oldest-kid complex. :)
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