Ready to Make a Change

This post was originally published August 30, 2008. Some of the links may be broken because the Biblical Womanhood blog has been discontinued...sorry about that!

I'm about to get personal.* Are you ready to go deep? This is about as deep as I get - in fact, I've debated about whether to post about this whole issue. But I like to keep it real, so I'm going to open up and get vulnerable on you. Get comfy...

*I should warn my non-Christian readers that you will probably not understand my opinions in this post. And this will surely not be a pleasant read for the Feminists out there. If you roll your eyes while reading or want to give me a piece of your mind in a comment, please feel free. Just know that if it's too critical or negative, I'll totally delete it because it's my blog. 'Kay?

Where do I start? Some of this will appear all over the place, so forgive me for the ADD-ness throughout what's likely to be a very long post.

I guess I should start with this series we're going through at church. It's a four-week series titled, "One Month to Live." Two weeks ago, we were presented with the question: "What would be different if you just had one month left to live?" The first thing I thought of is that I would have a better attitude. Now, those of you who know me, know that I'm a really positive person.That's not what I mean. When it comes to my husband and kids (unfortunately, those closest to me) I can have a bit of a 'tude. When I'm annoyed or angry, I'm an open book. I may try to hide my frustration, but it ends up coming out eventually. This is not something I'm proud of and I've gone through my ups and downs over the last 8.5 years of marriage about how well I share my feelings on a subject. Currently, I'm not practicing much self control and I've been wanting to get myself back on track.

In fact, to give you a visual...for those who have seen Jon & Kate plus 8, too often, I'm snappy like Kate. Most people think it's funny and cute, but when I see how she speaks to her husband, I sink in my seat. Because way too often, that's me. It didn't used to bother me, but a few months ago, I was convicted. I was so disgusted with myself that I was ready to make a change.

The problem was that I have some really bad habits that aren't easy to break. But I figured, admitting that I needed to change was a good first step, right?

Backing up to our church series: that first week, our pastor showed us an interview with a mom of 2 boys. She was told she had 4 weeks to live on the same weekend our pastor announced our upcoming series. She was in her 20s. And single. With kids the same age as mine. I sobbed as I watched the video of this poor girl...a million thoughts running through my mind.

If I had a month to live, I would absolutely speak sweeter to my husband. I would correct my children with the intention of changing their character, not their short-term behavior. I would not scold Ryan for coming out of his room for the hundredth time when he asks for a hug and a kiss, even if I knew he was stalling his bedtime. I would not spend so much time on the office computer while Mike watches t.v. downstairs alone. (by the way, I'm on the laptop while he watches the ASU/NAU game as we speak...) Yes, if I were told I had one month to live, I would make some major changes.

So why wait for such devastating news? Why not live that kind of life today?

That began my journey to change. It was a slow start and I hate to admit it, but not much happened right away.

Fast forward ahead to last week: Mike went on a three day staff retreat for work. (he works for our church) I intended to have a little "boot camp" with the kids to get them back on track because they haven't been behaving well lately. Mike and I often discuss how we want to correct and discipline them, but when it comes down to it, our guidelines are rarely followed and we come off as inconsistent. In my mind, what often happens is when Daddy comes home at night, all of my hard work all day gets contradicted. Sometimes he's too easy on them, but more often he's too harsh. (again, in my opinion)

Things went well Monday and Tuesday with the kids and my principals of the "Have a New Kid by Friday" book were really working. During naptime on Tuesday, I checked my emails and spent a little time surfing blogs. This is where I was slapped around a bit. First, a friend sent me an online personality test that got me thinking. It has pictures to choose from at each stage of the test and when I saw a picture of a mom tossing her daughter in the air, that was not how I wanted to answer the "Where I'd rather be right now..." question. I wished it was where I'd rather be, but regretably, I was pretty glad that my kids were asleep.

Then the first blog I read was a friend whose husband was also away on the retreat with Mike. She mentioned how much she missed him and couldn't wait for him to come home. At first, this touched my heart, then I started feeling a little sad. Of course, I looked forward to seeing Mike the next day, but I wasn't longing for him to return. She also mentioned that he was the "hero of their home." By this time, I was feeling pretty low. Last year, we went through a study called Love and Respect, so I am fully aware that every man yearns to be the hero of their home. Why don't I view Mike that way? The kids see him that way. What is my problem? Pride? Independence? Is it even IN me to be a starry-eyed homemaker who puts her husband up on such a pedestal?

I continued through my blogroll and, no joke, saw a post on Biblical Womanhood. It said:

All of you who are married or hope to be married someday must run over and read this excellent piece by Camilla Brown: 12 Things You Should Not Do To Your Husband.

As wives, we have the incredible responsibility to be the help meet to our husband. This word, "help meet" in the Hebrew ("ezer") literally means "a tower of strength".

Think about that for a minute: Are your actions, attitudes, words, and thoughts bringing strength to your husband? Or are they tearing him down as a man?

If you are married, purpose today to invest your life around serving the Lord by serving your husband. Be his helper, be his encourager, be his biggest cheerleader. Listen to him, notice his needs, praise him, go out of your way to show him love in practical ways. Become a student of your husband--know his likes and his dislikes, his interests, his vision, his passion, his heart.

Let us throw off the garbage we've been fed from feminism, humanism, and egalitarianism, and let us be noble women of virtue and valor, bulwarks of support and love to our husbands!

"A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones." (Proverbs 12:4)

I was near tears when I called my BFF to tell her what a horrible wife I am. As any best friend would do, she talked me off the roof and I got off the phone feeling motivated to do better, no longer discouraged that I'm sabotaging my marriage.

I think as someone with a strong personality, I tend to overpower my husband. And when I disagree with how he disciplines our kids (even when I wait to bring up the issue privately), he feels criticized and it affects his confidence as a father.

My actions, attitudes, words, and thoughts are NOT bringing strength to my husband. And they are very likely tearing him down as a man. Lovely.

Intentionally or not, women set the tone for their homes. I know that in my head, but when the clock strikes 5 and I'm exhausted from a full day with the kids, I rarely put my attitude in check before Mike comes home. And so the "crazy cycle" begins...

Tuesday was a defining day for me. Similar to that of a smoker who finally decides to quit. Or someone finally motivated to start eating better and exercising. Like anyone with a bad habit, I've known what I should be doing. Sometimes I did the right things, sometimes I didn't. Too often I didn't.

I suddenly realized why my kids aren't changing their own attitude and behavior. So many of my issues with Ryan are issues of disrespect. Why on earth would my children respect their parents, grandparents or even each other when I wasn't showing respect to Mike??? THIS was my defining moment. Everything was suddenly so clear.

This three days of Daddy-free time was supposed to get my kids on the right track. Instead, I got a major wake up call. The common denominator is ME. Ouch. Mike isn't perfect, my kids are not perfect. But how I respond to them needs to be less about what they say or do and more about my heart attitude. How quickly I forgot that, as a Christian, I am to live for an audience of One.

My epiphany has changed me and I'm hoping it's permanent. I haven't told Mike about this and honestly, I'm kind of hoping he doesn't read this post. (he doesn't read my blog much, but sometimes he logs on to take a peek) I'm curious to see how things are different around here without making a big announcement about what God revealed to me.

I made myself a little note card with a checklist in my nightstand that I intend to look at each morning to get my attitude right, first thing in the morning. I'm already seeing differences in the kids, drastic improvements in my mood and much more pleasant interactions with Mike. I've been responding less emotionally to things and I'm not saying a word or so much as raising my eyebrows when I think that Mike is overreacting to Ryan's misbehavior. I'm just letting it go. Unfortunately, I've still lost it a few times with the kids, but it was pointed out to me that slipping up is God's way of humbling me. And that, He does.

I think it's only human to get frustrated when you repeat the same requests to your kids daily. Over. And over. And over. "Don't gargle your milk" and "Use your words, not your hands" (or feet or teeth...) and "Don't bang your fork into the table" (our kitchen table looks like it survived a hail storm). But my new personal goal each day is to give one calm reminder for each "rule" before instituting time out or taking away a privilege. (or a fork...) I tend to think that if I've said it a million times they should remember that things aren't allowed. Like shouting inside the house or stealing toys from each other or interrupting every single conversation I try to have with, "Mommy? Hey, mommy - MOMMMMMMMMMmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

I'm proud that I have been treating Mike with the respect he deserves. As a man, as my husband and as a human being. He deserves better than what I've been offering him. Even when he says something that makes me want to give him a blank stare and whisper, "Are you kidding me?!?" Instead, I just smile sincerely and say, "Hmmm, interesting." Or when we watch a pointless football game that's 30 to nothing on a Saturday night when we could be watching a movie or a show that we both enjoy. (hypothetically speaking, of course) Because he is still a man and we still think very differently.

For those of you who are fighting this whole post because "the husband should be willing to change too" and "it takes two to tango" or would never dream of making this decision for your own relationship, think about the best marriages you know. If you watch these couples, you'll notice that they speak kindly to each other and let the little things go. They serve their spouse and consider their needs above their own, but couples who keep score or are in self-protection mode aren't healthy and likely aren't thriving. It takes one person in the relationship to start this process. I'm not saying my marriage was in trouble because divorce is not an option in our house. But if we're planning on spending the rest of our lives together, wouldn't it make sense that we'd want those years to be happy, pleasant ones??? I'm so ready for more good moments than tough ones. I'm done thinking that this issue is going to solve itself.

We were told at church today that the young, single mom passed away yesterday. We just learned of her situation two weeks ago. It happened that fast. We have one final message left in this "One Month to Live" series and we'll miss it because we're going to San Diego next weekend. But I'm confident that God has already spoken to me. I get it. I think I will be forever changed by these realizations.

Almost 18 months after writing about this topic, things aren't perfect, but I'm much better than I was. I sometimes still default to snapping when I'm tired or stressed, but more often than not, I catch myself and speak calmly. If you want to see a follow up post to see how my "changes" were originally received by Mike, click here.

Rerun Friday

I've found myself a little wrapped up in myself lately, not really able to offer great tips or wisdom for those who don't care about me and my little world. SO...for the benefit of my new readers and as a reminder for my old timers, I'm going to re-post some of my most popular "general information" type posts every Friday for a while. Tomorrow, I will post my most vulnerable post to date and one that I should re-read annually to reignite my fire. Do any of my long-time readers have a guess as to which one it is???

Kindergarten Peer Pressure

I'm a little shocked that Ryan is already dealing with peer pressure in Kindergarten. For the last few months, he's come home with situations that frustrated him at school and we've tried coaching him through what to do and say in the future.

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One particular friend seems to be quite manipulative. One minute, he's refusing to sit next to him at storytime and the next minute he wants to be BFF. On the first day of school, this boy told Ryan that they were best friends and, ever since, their little leader/follower relationship has blossomed. It's so confusing for Ryan, but what's worse is that Ryan's getting used to being treated this way. We've tried to teach him to walk away when this kid isn't being nice to him and to play with someone else, but the problem is that Ryan really wants to be this boy's friend. It breaks my heart hearing the things he says to him. Things like "If you don't give me the red scissors, I'm not going to be your friend anymore" and "Eat your dessert before your pretzels or I won't play with you at recess." Honestly, I'm not trying to guide Ryan away from this friendship, but instead I'm taking every possible opportunity to teach him how to respond with confidence and not be a pushover. The times that Ryan has followed through with our advice, sure enough, this boy did a complete 180 degree attitude adjustment and wanted to be BFF again.
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Even though I've seen some of the bad behaviors while aiding in Ryan's class, I decided to actually invite this boy over for Ryan's first little classmate play date. I picked the boys up today and within minutes of being home, I saw the kinds of things Ryan deals with in school every day. By the time his mom came to pick him up, I had a pool full of yard toys, I watched as Kaylin fell on her tailbone when this boy slammed her down on the teeter totter, I battled him about not going upstairs while the baby was sleeping at least a dozen times and I laid down the law about being mean to Kaylin, even stopping the friend from spanking her. There was a short stint in the middle of the play date when they were using their imaginations and destroying the backyard building a fort and again when they played hide and seek for a while.
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After dinner, there was so much to explain to Ryan that I didn't know where to start. I condensed the whole lecture into one of our house rules: Do what's right, even when others don't and even when no one is looking. I'm kind of glad he's battling this issue now so he'll have lots of practice doing what's right before he becomes a teenager. But seriously...Kindergarten? Doesn't that seem a bit early for peer pressure???

Thinking Ahead to V-Day

Kaylin looked all cute and Valentine-y today, so I decided to take her picture to give her little pre-school friends in their Valentines in a few weeks. (Typical me: I'm either ridiculously early or I lose track of time and procrastinate until the night before...) Since I'm doing this SO early, I thought I'd share this simple idea.

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I cut out a pink heart for her to hold, snapped a dozen pictures in the backyard, threw some text on the shot I liked best and voila...Valentines for her friends!

Since these will be given to 3 and 4 year olds, I'm not printing them professionally. I'll just print them on my computer and cut them out. Quick and easy!

Meal Plan - 1/25/10

Dinner
Monday - Leftover Southwestern Chicken and Bean Pasta
Tuesday - Spaghetti Squash with meatballs and marinara and Whole Wheat Bread
Wednesday - Chili with cornbread
Thursday - Chicken Pesto Pizza
Friday - Beef Stir Fry
Saturday - DATE NIGHT!
Sunday - Lasagna Roll Ups with breadsticks

Southwestern Chicken and Bean Pasta

I've made this recipe enough that I decided to post it with a few variations. I think it tastes like a pasta version of Chipotle's rice bowl, so I made it with rice, but it wasn't as good. Stick with the pasta...yum!

2 chicken breasts cooked and cut into small cubes
12oz pkg penne pasta, cooked per package directions
1/2 red onion, finely chopped
1 bunch green onion, chopped
2 medium tomatoes, chopped
1/2 red pepper, chopped
1 can black beans, rinsed and drained
1 small can sliced black olives, drained
1 cup corn (if canned, drained)
1 bunch fresh cilantro, chopped
1 cup sour cream
3 tbs milk
2 tbs olive oil
1 packet taco seasoning

Once the pasta is cooked and drained, all produce (fresh and canned) with pasta, toss until mixed. Mix sour cream, milk, oil and taco seasoning and add to pasta mixture, stirring over medium heat until warmed through.

Jason's 3 month update

My little buddy is already 3 months old today and is starting to look SO big! I've loved babies as long as I can remember and, as an adult, I have held to the fact that 3-9 months old is my FAVORITE stage. People have argued that I'd change my mind as my kids grew, but I truly love this phase. In my kids, in other people's kids, whatever. Watching Jason mature a little bit more each day, I'm reminded of why I love this stage. I just want to eat him up - he's so stinkin' cute! Here's a little bit about Jason right now:

• He still doesn't spit up. (can I get a hallelujah?)
• But he is starting to drool.
• He is successfully sleeping 6:30pm-6:30am, except when I wake him to eat at 10:00.
• He is outgrowing the bassinet (he sleeps there at night and in his crib during the day) so I'm going to put him in the Pack 'n' Play until he goes for a full week without crying before his morning feeding. It might take a while, but I want to reduce the chances of him waking Ryan once they're in the same room.
  
• He will only take cat naps in his infant seat, which makes pre-school drop off difficult on his schedule.
• Instead of finding his thumb, I've caught him sucking on his first two fingers to try to fall back to sleep.
  
• I'm trying to get him attached to the light blue version of the waffle blankets that Kaylin and Ryan love. We'll see if it "takes."
  
• Jason stays in his sleeper most days...it's just easier. Then I remember outfits like this one (below) and forget how cute he COULD look hanging around the house if I'd just get him dressed. (thanks for the hand me down, Becky!)
  
  
• I'm moving him from 0-3 month clothes up to 3-6, so playing dress up might be more fun than seeing him the same old gowns all the time.
• Until recently, he has had less than one bath per week. I'm just now getting into the habit of bathing him every other day on the nights the big kids don't bathe.
• We just started tummy time the other day.
  
• And using his Bumbo seat
  
  
• Jason is starting to look like his daddy, though Mike tries to say that he looks like me. Hello? Does he not look in the mirror?
• His red hair is starting to look blond again. I just don't know what color this kid's gonna be.
  
• However, his eyes are officially the coolest color blue.
• And, although he's tried desperately to "talk" for a while now, Jason has been cooing a ton in the last few weeks. It's the sweetest sound ever and it finally occurred to me to record it - check it out...
  
  

Recipes I want to try...

I have so many new recipes that I'd like to try, but don't want to put them all in one week's meal plan, so I decided to post the links here. If you try one, let me know how it turns out!

Taco Crescent Bake

Carnitas Soft Tacos

Chicken Salad with Poppyseed Dressing

Vegetarian Recipes: (I'm trying to cross off my goal of making meatless meals 3x a week for a month...someday soon...)

Crustless Zucchini Quiche

Crock Pot Minestrone Soup

Couscous-Feta-Chickpea Veggie Delight

Quesadilla Pie

Black Bean Salad

Garden Veggie Quiche

Vegetable Lasagna

Meal Plan - 1/18/10

Breakfast
Oatmeal
Pancakes
Cereal

Lunch
PB&J or turkey sandwiches
carrots, pretzels and fruit
Pine Nut Orzo Salad

Dinner
Monday - Chicken Fried Rice
Tuesday - Spaghetti Carbonara
Wednesday - Southwestern Chicken and Bean Pasta
Thursday - No Noodle Lasagna with Eggplant
Friday - Pot Roast with carrots and mashed potatoes
Saturday - leftovers
Sunday - Ham and Cheese Crust-less Quiche

Dessert
{Amazing} Peanut Butter Cookies

It's all about ME - Confessions and Ramblings

• I just noticed that my Cluster Map reset itself yesterday. Devastation! I wanted to take a screen shot to save all of my pretty dots all over the globe. Oh well...it's interesting to see where people have visited from in the last 24 hours since it reset.

• It is going to be cold and rainy all week and I love it. The kids played outside Monday night in full winter coats and I surprised them with some cocoa to warm them up. It's so easy to please my kids sometimes - they're so sweet.

• I am officially re-addicted to Super Mario Brothers. I had no idea when my in laws bought us the game for our new Wii at Christmas that it's SO similar to the original from 1988. But better. You never have to die and Mario and Luigi can play on the same screen and work together. This thing could improve the teamwork in my marriage! As an only child, I spent hours upon hours playing Super Mario Brothers in middle school. Mike thinks it's hilarious that it's all coming back to me. Last night after our Bible study left, he suggested that we set the kitchen timer for 15 minutes and play a little Mario before bed. We played for an hour and now I'm exhausted. I should seek help. "33 year old SAHM addicted to childhood video game." I could use a Ms. Pac Man and Frogger fix right about now. Do they have Atari games around anymore???

• I started a 6 week challenge through Wii Active today. Kaylin slept in long after Ryan was on the bus, so I got a whole workout in before she even woke up! It's almost enough to motivate me to get up before I feed Jason at 6:30 and workout. Almost...

• I've lost the weight from the cruise, now I need to tackle the leftover baby weight. Nine months on, nine months off, right? (I keep telling myself that to stay motivated for the long haul.)

• In my day planner, I'm starting to track a few habits that I'd like to get back into. Reading my Bible, daily devotions with the kids, exercising, going to bed earlier, waking up earlier and cleaning one area of the house every day. Right now everything is so sporadic and I'm pretty motivated by seeing it all on paper. I would love to set aside 30 minutes every morning to do a household chore so tasks don't all fall on Saturdays. Keeping a realistic housekeeping plan has been sitting at #2 on my 101 Goals in 1001 Days list for over a year now. I'd say it's time to tackle it! My goal is Mondays: kitchen and downstairs bathroom, Tuesdays: upstairs bathrooms, Wednesdays: make grocery lists, clip coupons and meal plan, Thursdays: dust and clean glass surfaces, Fridays: vacuum and mop, Saturdays: leftover laundry and catch up chores. And I need to get back into the habit of putting a load of laundry in every night, transferring it to the dryer in the morning and folding it after breakfast. It's the only way I can keep up! Pre-school spills, grassy knees, messy eaters, blowout diapers, daily workout clothes for me and Mike, dishtowels...the list goes on and on.
  

• I'm just now getting around to sending "thank you" cards for the couple of family gifts we received in the mail for Christmas. I'm almost wondering if I should write a note of thanks in a Valentine card at this point...
  

• Speaking of Valentine's cards, I should be pulling out our Valentine decorations soon, shouldn't I? Oooh...that's a great way to procrastinate cleaning today...
  

• Christmas decor continues to appear throughout my house. It's like it blends in with the furniture after a while. Last year, I had a pile of leftover holiday decorations in my back hall closet for 3 months, just waiting to get packed away in the garage boxes 20 feet away. When I finally put it away, it took less than 5 minutes. I felt so pathetic!
  

I think that's it for now. Thanks for listening to my brain dump. More soon.

How I scrapbooked my Christmas cards

Every year, it seems like such a shame to throw away dozens and dozens of Christmas cards...especially knowing how hard it is for people to get a beautifully posed picture of the whole family. Together. Looking in the general direction of the camera. Let alone smiling!
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Last year, I heard a great idea that I wanted to try. Someone suggested keeping all of your Christmas cards in a basket and pulling one out every night. At dinner, you then include that selected family in your mealtime prayers. Isn't that cool? Yeah, I never did it. Saved the cards, but didn't say a single prayer. Now you know what kind of friend I am! At least the thought was there...
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Regardless, I'm now glad that I saved those cards because this year, I decided to scrapbook them. I've seen that idea before, but it never appealed to me until I saw this post. Ali Edwards must have scanned some of the pictures to get them to fit perfectly into each square because with the huge 5x7s and the tiny 2x2 pictures that I get (and everything in between) making a uniform design wasn't possible.
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I trimmed most of the pictures with some of the cool card designs as filler, then put them altogether like a puzzle on 12x12 paper. I tried to incorporate several clips of the year on the layout and a little bit of variety in size and shape. I left out most of the kid-only pictures, assuming that I'll look back on those later and not remember who the kids belong to. (except a few that we know well)
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This is my 2008 finished product...

...and here's 2009...

Unfortunately, all of the cards didn't fit onto the layout, but I'm fine with that. Some families who we don't spend as much time with will make the layout one year and maybe not the next.
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What do you do with your leftover Christmas cards?

Too Regimented

I didn't feel much joy today. I couldn't quite put my finger on why, until tonight.
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Since returning home from our amazing vacation on Monday, I've had a hard time getting back into the rhythm of my daily life. EVERYthing seems overwhelming and all I want to do is hide, avoiding anything productive. Methods of procrastinating include (but are not limited to): messing around on the computer, baking, playing with pictures, chatting on the phone, and my personal favorite...napping.
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Not to mention that Jason is having a tough time sleeping and has been horribly gassy this week which both equal a very. crabby. baby. I also think he's done sleeping in his car seat, which is very inconvenient considering Kaylin's pre-school drop off and pick up times are both during his morning naps. And I'm doubting everything with him this week: Did he get enough sleep? Did he eat enough? Did my milk supply decrease on our cruise? He looks so big all of a sudden...does he need more food? What's that smell...is he gassy again? He hasn't pooped in a few days...maybe he's constipated. (TMI) Is his onesie too snug? Maybe I should move him up to 3-6 month clothes. Should I go back to swaddling him? Is he too big for his bassinet? Maybe he's no longer comfortable in it. I am usually NOT a worrier, but I have questioned myself in every area with Jason this week. It makes me feel so insecure...all because I was gone for a few days and wonder if he got into or out of habits while I wasn't around to notice.
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It's amazing how a lack of sleep and all of the emotion that goes into that last paragraph can take the wind out of my sails.
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By the end of each day this week, I was so drained. Tired, both mentally and physically. I wasn't keeping up with my daily responsibilities as a homemaker. My growing to do list was sitting, untouched. I barely threw something together for dinner each night and it was such a chore to do so, that when Mike walked in the door, my attitude was horrible. My patience was gone and so was any joy I had mustered up throughout the day.
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Keep in mind that if you have seen me or spoken to me, I probably seemed fine. Because interacting with others energizes me and helps distract me from my daily responsibilities as a wife and mother.
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But underneath, I've been struggling. I emailed a few friends to whine; they emailed back and called with encouragement. They told me (as usual) that I was trying to do too much. But in reality, I was just trying to keep up and do the bare minimum and even that was too much.
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On Thursday, I was listening to K-Love (national Christian radio) and they read The Love Dare challenge for the day. (I've been out of the loop; apparently they're going through the book every day on the air) It was something about changing the way you greet your spouse when they walk through the door. Putting on a smile and welcoming them warmly, no matter what kind of a day you've had.
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But...but my days have been so tough. I don't have an ounce of extra happiness to spare. It's all used up. Gone. Being warm isn't possible after the days I've been having.
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Or is it?
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This challenge was quickly forgotten that evening. And the next. I'm not angry or bitter when Mike comes home at night, just...weary. With no desire or energy to cover up my exhaustion.
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Let's put that epiphany on the back burner for a minute and fast forward to dinner tonight. I should mention that meals in our house are a challenge and dinner is especially tense for me. As I've made it clear, by dinnertime, I'm tired. Mike's had a long day at work. We're all hungry. The kids are excited to see Daddy. Kaylin is the pokiest eater on the planet and she chooses to be silly and get into trouble with Ryan instead of consuming anything on her plate. While Mike wants to encourage her to eat, I am so petrified of accidentally swaying her toward a future eating disorder (yes, I'm totally serious) that I don't want to push her one way or another. We give her a time limit to eat, she knows she can't have seconds of anything or dessert unless all of the food on her plate is gone, and once dinner is over the kitchen is closed. Period. I feel no need to repeat any of these things 100 times or slowly eat my green beans telling her how delicious they are. If she's hungry, she'll eat and if she doesn't eat enough, she'll have a ton of breakfast in the morning. I'm all about natural consequences.
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Sorry - tangent.
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Back to dinner tonight: Ryan was being especially silly. He was antsy because Mike had been watching football while the rest of us were napping. He had been bored and was thrilled that Kaylin was finally awake to play with. He wasn't necessarily doing anything wrong (except trying to distract Kaylin) but it was annoying me. We had less than 30 minutes before leaving for church and the kids weren't eating. I caught myself feeling more and more anxious, reminding the kids of this or that, not enjoying the time together as a family at all.
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And that made me sad. Why couldn't I enjoy that time? Why was Ryan getting on my nerves? He was just being a kid. Why couldn't I relax and appreciate his love for life?
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It was at that moment that I realized that I've been too task focused. Too regimented about dinner, household chores, appointments, responsibilities, life. I've been so tired over the last few months that I've lost my joy. Not completely, but more often than not, I don't take time to see the joy in situations. To find joy in my children. To step back and let things happen naturally. To allow life to happen without being in control of the how's, when's and why's.
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That's it! Oh man, light bulb moment. I have felt so out of control since Jason's been born that I'm trying to over-control everything possible. DUH! I need to let it all go. I need to give it to God.
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I was just reminded of this...have you seen it before? I posted it a couple of years ago.

Good Morning! This is God.

I will be handling all of your problems today.
Please remember that I do not need your help.

Have a great day!

I suddenly feel so free. Even in typing this, I've had a couple of revelations. Let's recap:

1. I need to stop over-controlling and hand things over to God.
2. I need to change the way I interact with my family because they are more important than ANYthing. This includes finding joy in my children and welcoming Mike home with a more pleasant attitude, no matter what happens during the day.
3. I need to quit worrying about Jason and reclaim my mommy confidence.
4. I need to make a list of 3-4 MITs (most important tasks) to do each day and let the rest go.
   
5. I need to RELAX. Not physically, necessarily, but relax my brain. Calm down. Shut off my racing thoughts of not doing enough and not being enough.
   

Wow guys. Thanks for listening. (well, reading...you know what I mean) Getting this out of my head was so incredibly helpful! It's been bottling up all week. Maybe longer. It seems like I finally have my prioritizes straight and I'm ready to get things back on track.

Whew - it feels good!

#20 - Teach Ryan to Read & #21 - Teach Kaylin to Write her Name

Ryan's been sounding out words like a pro for several weeks now, but I'm just getting around to crossing it off my 101 Goals in 1001 Days list. His teacher's amazing games and activities coupled with sight word flashcards and reading exercises that we do when Ryan doesn't have homework have worked. Then a couple of weeks ago, I asked him to try reading a poem in his homework binder and I only had to help him with a couple of words. He's totally reading!!! #20 on my list is DONE.

But today really shocked me. Last week, I helped Kaylin work on writing her K's and decided to work on one letter a week until she could write her name. No need! Apparently, the "K" was the only letter she was having trouble with. This morning as she was making a card for her friend's birthday party, she wrote her whole name without prompting! I almost cried, I was so proud. So that crosses #21 off my list without much effort on my part.

25 Things I Learned on my Cruise

1. Arrive early - Find out when the cruise line allows guests onto the ship. As soon as you board, you can start enjoying all of the amenities of the cruise.
2. Book late - the price of our cruise went down $60 per person two weeks after Mike bought the tickets. And they don't do price adjustments. But they do need to fill the ship, so the prices drop as the cruise date gets closer.
   
3. Bring bottled water - They allow most beverages to be carried aboard and the tap water just isn't good. (Thanks for that tip, Mary - you saved us so much $$$) The restaurants have filtered water, but the buffet does not.
   
4. I've heard that you can bring your own wine, but they charge you a $10 cork fee on most ships. Bring your own bottle opener!
5. Cruising around in the middle of the ocean feels like you're on a constantly moving elevator. Even when you're sitting still.
6. Getting drunk doesn't help you regain your balance on a moving vessel. Just ask the girl in high heels we saw attempting to walk down the stairs...
7. It's helpful to take Dramamine before the ship leaves and once daily to prevent motion sickness.
8. Dramamine comes in non-drowsy, but apparently not at Target.
9. Non-drowsy motion sickness medicine on board the ship is extremely expensive.
10. Dramamine + a sleep deprived mom = lots of naps.
11. "Dramamine" is spelled "Drama Mine." Do you think I want the "drama" to be "mine?"
    
12. Most cruise food is amazing, but some is prettier than it tastes. (they are cooking for thousands of people, after all) If it's not delicious, don't waste the calories - move on to something that IS delicious.
    
13. Children whine in every language and in every dialect.
14. Some cultures still don't use deodorant.
    
15. Bring a watch - There are few clocks on board. But don't rely on cell phones to keep accurate time. Even though the ship crosses a time zone, the time on board doesn't change.
16. Read the daily schedule - There is so much to do and see that events are easy to overlook.
17. The dancers in the shows dress skimpier than Vegas showgirls. I guess they have to keep the attention of their male audience somehow, but thongs? Really??? Just because you're wearing panty hose, doesn't mean your butt cheeks are covered from my husband's unsuspecting eyes.
    
18. International calls are expensive, but texts are not. Ask whoever is taking care of the kids to text pictures...it's only a nickle to receive texts and it's incredibly comforting to see how the kids are doing while you're away. (Thanks for the pic, Julie!)
    
19. The boat is smaller than it looks - make friends and be nice. You'll continue seeing the same faces over and over.
20. Even in an empty restaurant, the hostess will often seat you at a four-top table with another couple.
    
21. Shore excursions are much cheaper on shore than through the cruise line.
22. Bring more cash than you think you'll need. Adding a last minute $15 per person excursion to our trip almost made us run out of money for souvenirs.
    
23. It's illegal to take Cuban cigars back into the states, no matter what the locals tell you.
    
24. Bring reading material. The disembarking process can take hours, so having something to do while waiting in the lobby is helpful. (Thanks for the tip, JW!)
    
25. Cruising is a much cheaper way to vacation than it seems. Especially when plane tickets aren't involved!
    

#101 - Get 100,000 hits on my blog

I logged in tonight to find my hit counter at 99,990. It only took a few minutes for it to top 100,000!!! I can't believe the traffic my little blog has received since I made up my 101 Goals in 1001 Days list this time last year. This 101st goal was an afterthought and was a HUGE shot in the dark! It took me 18 months to get 30,000 hits and less than a year to get up to 100,000. I'm in awe. I wonder if I'll reach 200,000 hits by the time my 1001 days is over? Or 300,000? Hey, I have until September 29, 2011...there's time to dream!

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I really appreciate all of you who read my posts; whether you comment often or lurk quietly from the shadows of cyberspace, I am so grateful that you spend your precious time reading what I have to say. I love having an outlet to get these thoughts out of my head and I LOVE that there are people out there willing to listen!
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Big hugs from Phoenix - thanks for helping me reach this goal!

#45 - Try Sushi (California Rolls don't count)

While cruising, I tried sushi. #45 got checked off the list while doing #16...how efficient am I?
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I ate California rolls the first day, cursing myself for saying that they didn't count as "real" sushi.

Then last night, they had the real stuff. Pink fish wrapped all around the safe, white rice patty. I was under the impression that it would be much fishier tasting than it was. It wasn't bad, but I didn't feel the need to finish it. There was a dessert bar right next door, after all.

They even had chocolate sushi, which was really just a ball of rice with fruit and chocolate. Tried it, not worth the calories. Pass the chocolate melting cake, please!

#16 - Go on a Cruise

I'm back. I'm rested. I'm refreshed. I'm happy. I'm fatter than when I left. I'm now a huge fan of cruising. And #16 is officially crossed off of my 101 Goals in 1001 Days list.

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I just posted these PODs on my other blog, but I'm copping out and posting them here, too. There are some additional details over there if you want to read more, but these pictures really do recap the trip nicely.

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Friday, we drove...

Saturday, we ate...

Sunday, we were Mexican tourists...

Monday, we returned...

The End.
(how's that for a concise post?)

For your reading pleasure

Just because I'm floating on a boat in the middle of the Pacific right now doesn't mean that I have to leave you without reading material! Some posts that caught my attention this week include:

Teaching Your Child to Apologize

Raising Your Daughter to be a Homemaker

Keeping Blog Time in Check

Goals and Resolutions: Intimidating or Empowering?

Scrapbooking Your Holiday Cards

I wasn't a sling type of mom...

I do love holding my babies. But I also love letting them play independently. And exposing them to caregivers at church and the gym early in life. My goal is to raise happy, confident babies that don't need me 24/7, yet whose needs are met and know to their core that they are adored by their mama.
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When I first saw a mom with a baby sling, I didn't get it. It didn't look comfortable, it didn't look safe (although I now know that they are), it didn't look easy to figure out...it wasn't for me at ALL. Over time, I noticed that the moms who wore slings mostly fell into the "attachment parenting" category, which isn't my style.
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A couple years ago, I saw a friend with four girls who wore a sling. Her parenting style is very similar to mine, and she insisted that she is able to get much more done with baby #4 in a sling. Her sling had the big ring and still looked too complicated for me.
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Then this summer, I ran into a friend grocery shopping while wearing a Hotsling. There was no giant ring. No extra fabric hanging around. No criss-cross wrap all over the place. She bought it at Home Goods for $20. (they're $40+ at Babies R Us)
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I bought one and am now hooked.

I can never properly put on my Snuggi without assistance, so when we're out, I find myself carrying my babies around in their infant carrier most of the time. It allows me to put them on the ground and be hands-free to help my other kids or whatever. But now I have this Hotsling. I finally figured out how to put it on without watching the DVD on pause and rewind (I'm a little slow...) and LOVE it. I don't wear it every day, maybe only 1-2 times each week, but when I do use it, it's the perfect answer. Taking Kaylin to an open gym yesterday? It was the perfect solution. Making dinner while Jason is gassy and needs to snuggle? Throw on the Hotsling. Packing tonight when I really wanted to just sit and hold my baby that I'll be missing for 4 days? You got it: the Hotsling.
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It looks small and unstable, but it is absolutely secure and perfectly safe. And there are several ways to adjust it to fit different sized babies and kids...all shown on the included DVD.
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You would think I was getting paid to review this product, but I am seriously in love. And I NEVER thought I would be a sling type of mom. Never say, "never."

My New Blog

I've started another blog. Why? Because clearly one blog just isn't enough to maintain. This new one is strictly devoted to appreciating me and will be a wonderful place for people to gather and absorb my awesomeness.
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I'm kidding.
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I decided to post my "Pictures of the Day" for 2010 with a little journaling blurb to keep up with my scrapbook this year. Instead of posting sporadic pictures here, I created a new place to organize them. I won't post on the new blog daily, probably weekly or as I print my dates on the pictures.
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Check it out: www.katiespod.blogspot.com.

83% Savings at Safeway

After taking three months off from my coupon saving ways...I'm ba-ack!!! Tonight, I saw this deal for some items at Safeway and decided to run out while Mike was reading stories to the kids. I ended up spending $18, saving $87, and walking out with a $2.50 cash coupon for my next Safeway shopping trip. (There were other store deals, but I rarely buy the garbage, even if it's cheap.)
PS - From what I understand, these deals also work for all Safeway affiliates (Vons, Ralph's, etc.)

* 8 boxes Cheerios ($1.49 each WYB 4, limit 20)
...used 6 $1/1 coupons here, here, and here (print twice at each site) and 1 $1/2 coupon here or here. You can also print a $.55/1 coupon here or here.
FINAL PRICE: $7.92 for 8 boxes

* 1 pkg Smithfield Premium Bacon ($1.99 with in ad coupon, limit 4) * 4 bags Nature Valley Nut Clusters 4/$6 (must buy 4)
{This was the deal that gave me the $2.50 "catalina" coupon back for my next purchase, which meant I ended up with a $.50 profit and 4 free bags of clusters for lunchbox snacks!}
...used $1/1 Nature Valley Nut Clusters here and here.
This deal is also good for Nature Valley Granola Bars which have coupons for $.40/1 here.
FINAL PRICE: $.50 overage!

* 5 boxes Triscuits ($2 each WYB 5)
...used 2 $2/2 coupons (print here for IE and here for Firefox) - printed each twice.
FINAL PRICE: $6 for 5 boxes

* 2 pkgs Kraft Singles ($1.49 with in ad coupon, limit 2)
...used $1/2 coupon (print here for IE and here for Firefox) - printed each twice.
FINAL PRICE: $.99 each

* 1 gallon milk ($.99 with in ad coupon, limit 1)

* 18 count large eggs ($.99 with in ad coupon, limit 1)

* 12 count eggs
...used free coupon here.

* Extra Value club pack of ground beef ($1.88/lb)
...used $3 off coupon here.

* Safeway brand pasta sauce
...used free coupon here.

* Safeway brand orzo pasta
...used free coupon here.

Total spent: $18.06, total saved: $87.14. WOO HOO!

Teaching Children Self-Control

I'm recovering from a rough afternoon. The day started great...things were so quiet with Ryan back at Kindergarten. Kaylin colored, the baby cooed, I did a light workout on the Wii that we got for Christmas, I even ran to the grocery store before our play date with Kaylin's school friends at 10:30. All was well with the world.
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Until Ryan got home. Now, this is not all his fault, but going back to school after two weeks off meant there was some deprogramming that needed to happen when he got home. Same house, same rules. I also should mention that I took a dead-to-the-world nap for 30 minutes and woke up at 3:01, just moments before Ryan walked in the door from the bus stop. So yes, I was a little groggy and wasn't quite ready for his after school energy.
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I should also mention that (in an effort to keep my mom sane this weekend while she takes on the daily marathon of caring for my three children) I've been trying to "help" Jason fall asleep on his own without his pacifier. I put him to sleep with it, but if he spits it out or wakes up fussy, I don't put it back in his mouth like I was doing previously. Because what I've realized is that he can already go all night without food. He hasn't had a middle of the night feeding in over a week. That's the good news. But when he does wake up and cry, I've been getting up at 3am, 5am, whenever, and popping the pacifier back in his mouth so he can drift blissfully back off to sleep. I don't want my mom to have to do that. Waking up refreshed each day is going to be essential to her surviving this little adventure she agreed to take this weekend.
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I know not everyone agrees with the "cry it out" method, so I'm not trying to open up a debate here. Believe me...I hate it. I HATE this process. Hate. It. Ryan and Kaylin took a miserable two days of crying it out before I saw the fruits of my torture. And if I hadn't have seen progress at just that moment, I would have given up. I can't handle crying for any length of time. Pure. Torture. Especially when it's your own child!!! But I know the benefits: putting a sleepy, yet fully alert, infant in their crib to fall asleep on their own is incredibly freeing. Jason is now on day three of crying himself to sleep and I don't know if I can take this anymore. He's exhausted. I'm emotionally drained. And I'm so sick of hearing everyone ask, "Are you sure he's not hungry?"
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Okay, that was a tangent I was not expecting to take. Sorry! And please don't yell at me in the comments about what a horrible mother I am for letting my babies cry themselves to sleep for a few days of their lives. I can't handle criticism at this point in the process!
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Back to the point of my post. I am bound and determined to teach my kids self control. They (specifically Ryan right now) have a really hard time with certain boundaries and I'm suddenly more aware of the excessive complaining. It might be new, but I honestly think I might be finally realizing that they express their displeasure a little too often. So I'm ready to work on their heart attitudes.
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For instance, they decline real food but will whine that they're hungry and want a snack or sweet treat. I'm big on eating meals at mealtime and not grazing all day, so I'll remind them that the next meal is at X:00 and if they're hungry early, I'll serve them now. The newest one is "I'm bored." That showed up yesterday. It began as, "I'm lonely, will someone play with me?" and it turned into "I'm bored" yesterday when Ryan lost privileges to the Wii for a few days. THIS is why I'm so anti-technology. Somehow, Ryan has forgotten how to entertain himself now that he's experienced the wonderment that is the Wii. Which is the newest string of never ending questions, by the way. "Can I play the Wii? What about now? Now, Mommy? Can I play it now?" It's as bad as, "Are we there yet?" over and over in the car.

How hilarious is this picture? Kaylin was literally cheering the guys on as they played Wii boxing last week.

I'm so sick of the complaining. I want to raise children with a grateful heart and an attitude of contentment. I completely see how this correlates to teaching self-control. Just because you're bored, doesn't mean you need to say it out loud. Find something to do, get creative, be content with ideas presented. If you're truly hungry, an early dinner should sound delicious. No need to beg for a snack or another alternative or my new favorite, "I'm hungry for a Hershey's Kiss." Uh huh, sure you are.
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I recently read up on teaching your child self-control and found this site that offers age-by-age suggestions. I was specifically looking for ideas on how to get Kaylin to stop screaming when she's upset at Ryan. "Kaylin, no screaming," "inside voice, please" and "use your words" are mantras around here. Anyway, this bit of the website caught my attention:

By learning self-control, kids can make appropriate decisions and respond to stressful situations in ways that can yield positive outcomes. For example, if you say that you're not serving ice cream until after dinner, your child may cry, plead, or even scream in the hopes that you will give in. But with self-control, your child can understand that a temper tantrum means you'll take away the ice cream for good and that it's wiser to wait patiently.

I've mentioned this before, but my "no" always means "no." Yes means yes, no means no and maybe usually means no. And if I say, "not now" or "maybe later," and they continue to pout, I take away the privilege altogether. I'm not a fun mom when it comes to that stuff! I don't give in with whining and begging, so it always shocks me that my kids (especially Ryan after FIVE years) still continue to plead for me to change my mind. Granted, Ryan's five. Kaylin's only three. I know that they're still little, but I'm so over the argumentativeness. (wow, that's a long word) I'm ready for agreeable children. Again...CONTENT children. It's so important to me.
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I feel like I'm doing my part. I'm a fairly consistent parent, sometimes to a fault. I usually take time during teachable moments and explain how they should properly respond. I try to set the example of what contentedness and gratefulness look like. I point it out in others. I gently remind them, "the answer is no, don't ask again," when I see the injustice in their eyes.
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Typing this all out is making me realize that I'm hoping for too much from them at this age. They're BOTH just so...stinkin'...persistent. It's enough to drive me crazy!
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And today, day three of my cry-it-out battle with the baby, I am emotionally exhausted from it all. But I think I'm still going to choose this area to work on this week. Somehow, they've established the bad habit of complaining and I'm done listening to it. That's really what it is: a habit that needs to be broken and redirected.
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I'm open to hearing wisdom from the other parents out there. What's worked for you?

Meal Plan - 01/04/10

In the spirit of New Year's resolutions, I have GOT to start meal planning again. My freezer stockpile is running low and I need to start going to the store for more than milk, bread and eggs. Especially since I need to make sure the house is stocked for my mom and that I've made some meals to leave with her while we go on our cruise this weekend. So here goes.
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Breakfast
Oatmeal
Whole Grain Waffles
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Lunch
Turkey Sandwiches
Pretzels
Fruit - Apples, Pears and Oranges
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Dinner
Monday - {Crock Pot} White Chicken Chili
Tuesday - Chicken Enchilada Quiche
Wednesday - Spaghetti Squash with Marinara and Whole Wheat French Bread Rolls
Thursday - Pasta e Fagioli
Friday - {Crock Pot} Chicken Taco Stew for Mom and the kids - we'll be gorging on the CRUISE!
Saturday - Leftover Pasta or Chili for Mom and the kids
Sunday - Homemade Turkey Noodle Soup for Mom and the kids
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Dessert
Zucchini Bread
Oatmeal Caramel Bars

Reflection Questions for 2009

I saw this list of 20 Questions to Reflect on 2009 on Simple Mom's blog and documented my answers to add to my scrapbook. It only took a few minutes to complete and will be cool to look back on in future years...you should try it!

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?
Adding Baby Jason to our family!

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?

The economy has been bad and Mike has been stressed over our finances.

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?
Opening my “10 year anniversary cruise” gift on Christmas morning.

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?

Beginning the year not knowing if and when Mike would find a new job.

5. Pick three words to describe 2009.
Intentionality, simplified, uninvolved (with church for the first time in years)

6. Pick one word your spouse would use to describe your 2009 (don’t ask them).
Pregnant

7. Pick one word your spouse would use to describe their 2009 (again, without asking).
Stressful (I asked him later and I was right!)

8. What were the best books you read this year?
The only book I read was The Shack.

9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?
Mike and I continue to learn how to support each other through our strengths and weaknesses and I don’t know what I would do without him in my life. I’ve enjoyed how Ryan has matured since starting Kindergarten and how I see him through different eyes now. And I love how Kaylin and I have had so much one-on-one time together during the day. My closest friends this year were Jessica, Julie and obviously my mom; I turn to them often to share joys and vent frustrations.

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?
I’ve really worked on establishing our home as one full of peace and joy. It’s an ongoing process, but one that’s well worth the effort.

11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?
I feel that I have more self-control of my emotions than I did in January. I try to act, not react.

12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?
I love that we started doing Bible time with the kids this year. They learned lots of scripture memory verses (that they’ve since forgotten…we need to review them!) and I’ve enjoyed spending that time teaching them God’s word. I think that time has helped us all grow spiritually.

13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?
Oh, I’ve grown physically, alright! I gained 30 pounds in 9 months and lost 20 in 2 weeks. I still have that last 10 pounds to go 2 months later…and nothing is more motivating to lose weight than finding out you’re going on a cruise in a week! I’m back at the gym and feeling good.

14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?
I’ve enjoyed deepening my friendships with friends in my neighborhood: Lori, Ali and Tiffany. I've learned to gratefully accept offers of help from others and it's caused my relationships to grow in the meantime.

15. What was the most enjoyable area of managing your home?
I loved the Spring Cleaning Challenge in May. I was able to organize areas of my house that haven't been touched since we moved in.

16. What was your most challenging area of home management?
Training the kids, for sure. I’ve been very intentional about how I respond to them and how their correction will guide better decision-making in the future. It’s mentally exhausting!

17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?
The computer. I spent much of the year “bored,” and developed an unusual affection for Facebook Scrabble (Lexulous) as a pastime. I might only play my turn 10-20 minutes a day, but I could have spent that time in the Bible! And checking my games gets me to sit down at the computer and get sucked in. Wow, what an epiphany…

18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?
Taking a picture a day for Project 365 and scrapbooking our memories.

19. What was the biggest thing you learned this past year?
- When the kids know what is expected of them, they behave so much differently. I established House Rules (that Mike and I need to be reminded of as well!) and I need to review expectations before public outings, school, etc.
- Our family needs a compass pointing us in the right direction, so I am thrilled that we finally wrote out our first official Family Mission Statement. It has helped keep me on course.

20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2009 for you.
This year, I have become more intentional about my marriage, my child-rearing, my home and my goals.
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Favorite Thing about 2009:
Ryan - starting Kindergarten
Kaylin - going to the Daddy Daughter Dinner Dance at church (I clarified that she liked that even better than Disneyland and her princess birthday party and she agreed. Mike was shocked!)
Mike - taking the kids to Disneyland
Katie - having baby Jason and getting to kiss all over him all day...I just love that we're adding to our family!