Carrie asked, "How do you enforce your no tattling rule? Because, really, I don't care who poked who!! I would love to not feel like a mediator half the day!"
There is a difference between tattling and telling. I've explained this to my kids several times. (ahem...sometimes several times a day)
"Telling" is anything involving blood or safety. And recently, I've included privacy issues under the safety category. (as in "lingering in the bathroom to get a peek" or "that boy looked up my skirt") Anything else is tattling and is not acceptable.
When my kids tattle, I always ask, "Is this a safety issue?" Sometimes it's not, but they might think it is, so I have to explain. "Calling you a name is breaking the rules, but it's not actually a safety issue. Use your manners and politely ask him to stop. If he doesn't, either ignore him or go play somewhere else." It's sometimes maddening to have to referee, but when I respond the same way every time, they get tired of hearing the same response, so they stop tattling.
When they don't, there's a consequence. I remind them once not to tattle, then after that, I take a ticket/privilege away. If they can't work things.jpg)
out on their own and the arguing escalates, I give them one warning, then I send them to play alone in their own rooms. "If you can't play nice together, you can't play together at all." THAT works 100% of the time because neither of them likes playing alone. (Kaylin gets "alone-ly.")
If they tattle about something that we both know isn't a safety issue, I'll simply say, "No tattling. Work it out," and send them on their way. In your case, Carrie, the kids are poking each other, which could become a safety issue. I usually guide my kids to ask the other person to stop ("use your words and ask nicely using your manners") before coming to me. Then if it happens again in a short period of time, I'll threaten to separate them (sometimes even before they come to me) and of course I follow through and send them to their rooms if the offense is repeated again.
Even though it drives me nuts to constantly remind them how to deal with a situation unemotionally, I can see that they're getting it. If I overhear someone trying to appropriately handle something on their own, I praise them like crazy. Some day, they'll be able to work things out without me all the time! Or at least a mom can hope...
There is a difference between tattling and telling. I've explained this to my kids several times. (ahem...sometimes several times a day)
"Telling" is anything involving blood or safety. And recently, I've included privacy issues under the safety category. (as in "lingering in the bathroom to get a peek" or "that boy looked up my skirt") Anything else is tattling and is not acceptable.
When my kids tattle, I always ask, "Is this a safety issue?" Sometimes it's not, but they might think it is, so I have to explain. "Calling you a name is breaking the rules, but it's not actually a safety issue. Use your manners and politely ask him to stop. If he doesn't, either ignore him or go play somewhere else." It's sometimes maddening to have to referee, but when I respond the same way every time, they get tired of hearing the same response, so they stop tattling.
When they don't, there's a consequence. I remind them once not to tattle, then after that, I take a ticket/privilege away. If they can't work things
.jpg)
out on their own and the arguing escalates, I give them one warning, then I send them to play alone in their own rooms. "If you can't play nice together, you can't play together at all." THAT works 100% of the time because neither of them likes playing alone. (Kaylin gets "alone-ly.")If they tattle about something that we both know isn't a safety issue, I'll simply say, "No tattling. Work it out," and send them on their way. In your case, Carrie, the kids are poking each other, which could become a safety issue. I usually guide my kids to ask the other person to stop ("use your words and ask nicely using your manners") before coming to me. Then if it happens again in a short period of time, I'll threaten to separate them (sometimes even before they come to me) and of course I follow through and send them to their rooms if the offense is repeated again.
Even though it drives me nuts to constantly remind them how to deal with a situation unemotionally, I can see that they're getting it. If I overhear someone trying to appropriately handle something on their own, I praise them like crazy. Some day, they'll be able to work things out without me all the time! Or at least a mom can hope...
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5 comments:
Hi Katie,
I like this idea of telling versus tattling. I will try that with my kids. Sometimes I think they just fight/tattle/name calling just to see what I will do, it gets so tiring and I can't get stuff done because I always have to referee. Thanks for the tips. My question is what will you be doing with the kids over summer break? What will you do different because of the baby, it's hard for me to concentrate on my kids and care for my almost 2 yr old who I babysit for. last year she was little and napped more, this year no-go some days no nap or just an hour nap. Any ideas on how to keep them all happy? Thanks Katie
Thank you for the telling vs. tattling lesson. I learned in my Love and Logic class at church to respond to "tattling" by saying, "Bummer, what are you going to do about it?" It works REALLY great with my 3 year old. (She hardly ever tattles anymore.) I have used that response with her friends and they seem to respond well, too. It lets her decide the solution, which she knows means to ask them to stop or to walk away. Your blogs is SO fabulous. I am so happy to be a follower. :)
Love this! Do you offer parenting classes?
You really are Super Nanny is disguise aren't you?
Thanks Katie!!
I LOVE that picture! : )
Since Kiddo is an only, we don't have tattling issues with siblings, but we do with one of his friends. They are always tattling on each other. So we (his parents and Sound Man and I) have told them the same thing you told your kids. If no one is in danger, no one's bleeding, no one's dying, WORK IT OUT! They have gotten so much better with it! We hardly have any issues now.
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