Day 1

I've been wanting to scrapbook an "All About Me" album for quite a while now. I've gathered topics, ideas, pictures, lists...yet I haven't done a single page of the album.

Then the other day, I found a link to this post and was inspired to document a week in my life through pictures. So here are some pictures from Day 1.

I began my day by volunteering at Ryan's school...

Over the last couple of weeks, I've been organizing a play date for the other pre-school moms at the McDonald's playland for today after school. This is exactly the second time I've been to McDonald's in the last year. We don't do a lot of fast food, but that's not why I avoid McDonald's - what turned me off to them in particular is the three-year-old Happy Meal someone showed me a couple of years ago. The burger and fries looked exactly the same as you'd see if you'd buy them fresh - they had not rotted or molded at all. To this day, this gal has that same Happy Meal and still travels the country showing it to people to get them to realize that McDonald's isn't real food. I got a Snack Wrap and the lettuce tasted real, but who knows! That's all I'm going to say about that. Ew...

After naptime, we ran to the grocery store. This was the first time Kaylin was old enough to join Ryan in the Kids Club childcare area. It was the quietest, most pleasant grocery trip I've had in a long time...I just roamed the aisles at my leisure...

I made a new recipe for dinner. I fully expected this Deep-Dish Greek Chicken Pie to be amazing. Then I tasted it. After an hour of chopping, dicing, and messing with phyllo dough, I was crushed when I took my first bite. What's worse is that (while I was at it and I had extra ingredients) I doubled the recipe and stuck one pie in the freezer. I can't bring myself to throw it away just yet. All of those ingredients...the time and effort...the money wasted...I just can't.

After a few bites of dinner, Mike pepped up and said, "The good news is that since we'll hardly be eating any dinner, we can make chocolate chip cookies!" Aunt Flow is still visiting...you don't need to threaten me with chocolate!

Once the kids were in bed, I was motivated to reorganize some things in their playroom. Specifically, their dress up clothes. I even pulled out my label maker...

And nothing ends the day quite like a load of laundry...

So there you have it. Day 1 of "A Week in my Life."

Still Best Friends

I love that my kids are so close. Last night, I was flipping through my scrapbook and stopped on a page that had a few of the crazy things I caught them doing with my camera this summer. I actually welled up with tears. I was so emotional about that fact that they enjoy each other so much. And that is completely by design.

When I was pregnant with Kaylin, I ran into a much-admired gal from church who was with her 15 year old daughter. Everyone gives advice when you're pregnant, but hers stuck with me.

She suggested that mothers can manipulate their kids into being best friends. From day 1, she did that with her kids and at 15 and 16 years old, they actually were best friends. I turned to her daughter, a little surprised, and said, "Really?" She looked sad and said, "Absolutely. My brother is spending a month in London right now and I miss him like crazy. I can't wait for him to come home!!"

I loved that idea. I want our family to be a tight unit. The kids can fight, disagree, get on each other's nerves, but at the end of the day, I want them to have each other's backs. So often, parents unknowingly pin their kids against each other.

So very early on, I started in with the brainwashing. "You can't hit your sister, she's your best friend!" "Remember to share your book with him...he's your best friend." I say that often and it seems to be playing out! (for now, anyway...) I intentionally make sure they show the other love, respect and kindness.

I recently gave up on the idea of the kids successfully sleeping in the same room together. It's worked a few times, but they just have so much fun together, chatting, whispering and giggling, that they fall asleep really late and everyone pays the price the next day. So last week was it...no more slumber parties for a while. They just can't handle it.

And when I was looking at the pictures in my scrapbook last night, I realized that I should be thrilled that they are so close, even if it means that they're so excited to be in the same room that it takes them hours to fall asleep.

The icing on the cake was this morning...they were playing in Ryan's room and Ryan came running out to tell me, "Kaylin just said, 'Ryan, I love you SOOOOOOOO much!'" (that's her new thing...saying how much she loves everyone and kissing people on the arm all the time) I said, "Wow, buddy! What did you say back?" His face dropped and he raced back to his room and I heard him say, "I love you, too!" He was so excited that she said something sweet to him that the first thing he wanted to do was share the good news, and in the meantime he left her hangin' with no response!

My heart is full.

New Children's Building

The new, long awaited children's building at our church is almost complete. The 3-6 year old kids are currently in a giant casino-looking tent that has tons of partitions to separate the groups into "classes" - and each one is bursting at the seems. I'm sure they'll be glad to get a real building with real walls and lots of room to move around.

Before they lay the carpet next week, our pastor invited the congregation to take markers and write on the concrete foundation. Prayers, scripture, whatever we wanted. It was a really neat concept and I happened to have the camera in the diaper bag, so I got some pictures! I thought I was all cool and figured out which side of the building Ryan's new class would be in, but I must have forgotten that he had a birthday because I just realized that we wrote on the foundation in the 3 year old rooms. Oh well...the thought was there!

Ryan wrote his name and Kaylin colored a picture. (and before I get questions, yes, it looks like Ryan is going to be left handed) I wrote out Proverbs 22:6 (Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it) and Mike wrote John 14:6. I mockingly asked if he was sure that was a good verse and he said, "I think it's 'I am the way and the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me.'" Then I had him doubting himself. So I looked it up and read a totally different passage that was something completely random about Jesus saying, "Whatever you are about to do, do it quickly." I know, I'm mean. He sat there for a minute, thinking, then said, "Are you serious?" I'm not usually the practical joker, so I thought I was pretty creative and got a good laugh out of that one.

Potty Training, Part 1

I am not ready to potty train Kaylin. Ugh...anyone willing to do it for me??? I know, I know - she just turned 2. It's so early, why rush it? Glad you asked. Because, unfortunately for me, I think she might be ready. She's showing signs of readiness and I'm thinking I may have to carve out a week coming up, stay home, put her in panties and clean up a bunch of pee off the floor until she learns to hold it. Actually, it would be ideal if it were a bit cooler outside and we could spend the day playing in the yard so I wouldn't have to clean up pee. But we'll see...

My long time readers may remember last year after Christmas, when I actually got my not-yet-walking 15 month old Kaylin to pee on the potty after bathtime every night. It only lasted a few months, and I had no intention of truly potty training her at the time...I think it was a fluke.

Fast forward to this summer: I didn't use swim diapers on Kaylin in the pool, partly because I'm cheap, partly because they don't do any good, but mostly because we were in the pool 4-5 times a week for under an hour at a time. That's a lot of swim diapers.

Instead, I tried the ever so faithful technique of logic to get her not to go to the bathroom in the pool. As soon as I put her swimsuit on, I'd remind her, "Don't go potty in the pool...please tell Mommy if you need to go." You're all thinking, "Yeah right! Your pool is probably half urine and you'd never know it." Actually, I doubt it. Because Ryan was in the habit of going pee in the bushes (saved slippery, dripping kids running through the house) and Kaylin wants to do everything like him, she ended up following suit. But she has nothing to "aim," so she would walk over to the grass, pee, and come back into the pool to rinse off. Like a dog. Yes, I trained my daughter to pee in the grass like a dog.

So after we painted with pudding this morning, we decided to swim. Kaylin kept going into the grass to pee, but nothing was happening. Finally, she said, "Mommy, I pooping." NOOO! Code brown! Get in the house! I asked Mike to bring the potty chair out to the grass to see if she'd go out there. Oh yes I did. Hey - it worked with the bathroom rug after the bath idea at Christmas! But nothing happened.

Then it occurred to me that she's been very consistent about where she goes to "hide" when she goes poo lately. Our walk-in pantry. I know! Around food. Ew. But did that stop me from putting the potty seat in the pantry to see if she'd do her business?

No it did not.

She even stood up to close the door for privacy. Then proceeded to poo in my pantry.

Whatever it takes to get her used to doing the deed sitting down and on the potty chair! I hope it won't take long for me to be able to move her into the bathroom where she belongs.

Painting with Pudding

When Ryan was little, I used to make pudding and let him finger paint his high chair tray to his heart's delight. It kept him occupied and contained while I made dinner or cleaned up the kitchen. A fun little project that I forgot about until a recent episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8...but they turned the pudding painting project into a body art idea.

I've been wanting to do this for a few weeks and finally got around to it today. The chocolate pudding body painting would have been a great idea for brown day, come to think of it. Anyway, I made up the instant pudding, put the kid's suits on and headed for the backyard. Allow me to narrate with pictures.

Initially, there was more eating than painting...


Then they painted...


And ate some more...


But when I encouraged them to paint on themselves, they wanted nothing to do with it. In fact, when I smeared some pudding on Ryan's back, he stormed off, begging to go inside...


So I tried a different angle. "Wanna paint Mommy?"


It took Kaylin a minute to catch on, but soon she joined in the fun...


Then - LIGHTBULB! Kaylin finally started painting herself...


Soon she went after Ryan, but that didn't go over very well...


So she chased him around the patio...


Ryan didn't think that was quite as funny as I did, so I distracted Kaylin by asking her to paint my legs again...


More eating...


Finally, it was time to hose everyone down. I think the water was a little cold because Kaylin burst into tears and went running for the kitchen door...


Is it wrong that I think those big crocodile tears are adorably hilarious??

Fireproof

FRIENDS! Mike and I had a great date night tonight. First, we ate at Sauce, which...YUM. Their Turkey and Feta Chopped Salad is officially going on my top 100 things that make me happy list. It might have to replace Le Madeline restaurant b/c I think they closed.

After dinner, we went to see the new movie Fireproof. It's a low-budget movie with mostly (maybe completely?) volunteers for actors, but seriously guys...it's totally worth seeing. This is exactly what I decided to do with my own marriage a few weeks ago, except I didn't have a guidebook and my marriage is no where near as rocky as the couple in this film. But I was (and am) willing to do what it takes to make my marriage better. If I plan on staying with my husband for the rest of our lives, we may as well enjoy those years, right???

Being that I've had a rough time this week (stupid hormones!) seeing this movie was just the kind of encouragement I needed to continue to press on with the changes I've decided to make in myself. And in the meantime, Mike may have been inspired to do a little something too. Wouldn't that be an unexpected blessing?!? To keep a right perspective, I will continue to have low expectations in the "he's going to change" department, but a girl can hope, can't she?

For my non-Christian readers, this IS a Christian movie, but it's not offensive or overly "Bible beating." They really did a nice job keeping it real and relatable. There are some great, practical concepts throughout the film that can be applied to everyone's marriage, regardless of where you are spiritually. I laughed, I cried (several times...again STUPID HORMONES) - please, see it for yourself. With your spouse. Or at least check out the trailor (remember to pause my playlist on the sidebar before you hit "play"):

They also have a website called Fireproof My Marriage. I'm wondering if they have the details of the 40 day "Love Dare" on the site? (*Update: look what I found! Totally unrelated, but a 30 day challenge for wives...it looks very similar to the Love Dare)

Kaylin loves to sing

Oh, how I wish my camera had an audio feature! Or that I knew how to upload videos from my camcorder to my PC. Instead, I guess I'll phonetically explain Kaylin's interpretations of songs. A few of these will be repeats from past posts, but I want them all in one place so I can scrapbook about this later.

Old McDonald: "Oatmeal Donald had a fom. E-I-E-I-O. And on dat fom he had a chitten..." It's always chicken. 100% of the time, chicken. With Ryan, he defaulted to cow until just recently.

Little Bunny Foo Foo: "Lil bunny foo foo - hoppin' on a furnace, coopin' up da feed mice and BOPPIN em on a head. Down came a GOOOOOOOOD (high pitched voice) faiwee..." She also just mastered holding her hand with just two fingers showing...which also impersonates little bunny foo foo. She's so proud.

If Your Happy and You Know It: "Iffer happy in no-no it, clapper hands..." (clap, clap)

The Farmer in the Dell: All sorts of things are sung to this tune, thanks to a desperate mommy trying to make boring life events seem fun. "We goin' a pick up Ryan, we goin' a pick up Ryan...hi ho a dairy-o, we goin' a pick up Ryan. Do do ta do do do...we goin' a pick up Ryan!" She now sings this kind of thing without prompting. Whenever I tell her what we're doing next.

Happy Birthday: Unfortunately, she now sings this really well. We had at least one birthday celebration per month from May to September with multiple repeats for Ryan and Kaylin's birthdays. It used to be "Habirfday oo you..." It was the cutest.

Random Thoughts and Updates

Sorry for my unannounced hiatus. I think I blogged too much this weekend and needed a break. And I've been working for my mom a bunch this week. In the meantime, I've stored up lots of random thoughts that are floating around my head. I think it's been a while since I've done a good brain dump...so here goes.

* Let's see how far I can get without having to re-boot. My computer has been terrible lately! I have no idea what's going on, but the issue is either with Explorer or my PC memory. I get kicked out of the Internet at least twice a day. Incredibly frustrating. Any suggestions???

* Can I quickly say how much more difficult it is to be a kinder, gentler wife and mother when I'm PMSing??? I keep hoping my period would just start already so the zits will fade (I have one in my arm pit - what's that about???), I'll be less hormonal and my crazy attitude will disappear. I seriously had thoughts this morning such as, "Why do my kids talk so much? Why can't people just stop talking? What's with the stupid questions about the cartoon? If I hear, 'Mommy? Hey Mommy?' one more time, I swear..." then 20 minutes later I was tossing Kaylin around and loving life. Psych. O.

* Last night, Kaylin and Ryan were putting together little wooden board puzzles in his room and he took off down the stairs for a bit. Mike realized that Kaylin hadn't followed him (as she has a tendency to do) and peeked into the room to see her quietly sitting with the puzzles around her, a little confused and not sure what to do next, but trying to complete the puzzles on her own. She was in there for quite a while before coming out and asking Daddy to play with her. I love that she's already getting to be an independent player!

* I haven't documented the thing that I love hearing almost more than "I love you" from Kaylin: "I so sited!" She says that with raised eyebrows and a huge smile and sometimes wiggles her shoulders. Today I took her to a pottery painting place to paint a piggy bank and she told me how "sited" she was several times. Of course, she was also "sited" to go to Target afterward...she's a low-maintenance kid. She loved the 5-pack of bracelets that I bought her from the $1 bins at Target even more than the piggy bank.

* Speaking of, I'M so "sited" that The Office is back on t.v. tonight! I am completely addicted to that dumb show. Love it. Laugh out loud, jaw-dropping funny. Anyone with me?

* An update to my recent photo printing post: Money Saving Mom just posted about a deal with Shutterfly that if you sign up with them, you get 50 free 4x6 prints, plus free shipping, plus a free photo collage. And she mentioned another new site that's offering 50 free 4x6 prints when you sign up. It's called PhotoMama. You have to pay shipping, but their regular priced prints are 8 cents, so it's worth checking out.

* One other update: for now, I think I figured out my cleaning dilemma. My new-ish neighbor friend suggested that we utilize each other to trade babysitting favors on a weekly basis. BTW, she's the same neighbor who cooks for me every other Thursday and on opposite Thursdays, I double the recipe I'm cooking and bring it to her family at 5:30, hot and ready to eat. It's a sweet deal! Anyway, every other Monday, she will start bringing her kids to my house for 2 hours in the morning and opposite weeks I bring my kids over to her house. This week was my week. I have to say that I work well against the clock, so as soon as I came home, I started cleaning like a madwoman. You'd have thought the Queen was coming for tea. I was a scrubbing, wiping, cleaning machine...I think I'll reserve this time once a month for a deep clean of the house and the opposite weeks do something relaxing that I can't (or won't) do with the kids around. Like scrapbook. I'm getting used to this swapping concept!

* Where did September go? I think our short vacation made this month seem short. The weather is getting a bit cooler in the mornings and Mike's parents gifted us with a security door that's getting installed Monday. (For everyone outside of AZ...it's the same as a screen door. But metal. Yeah, I don't get it either, I just enjoy the cross-breeze in my house in the fall!) I'm busting out the fall decorations this afternoon. I think the kids will get a kick out of helping with that.

On that note, I hear the pitter patter of little feet, so I should log off now. I only had to re-boot once. Woo hoo! A semi-successful Internet experience! (how pathetic...)

More Colors of the Day

We've been continuing on with our Color of the Day theme and I wanted to post some more pictures of my cute, colorful family.

Tuesday was Yellow Day. We ate Joe's O's (Trader Joe's Cheerios) with bananas for breakfast and used yellow cups and bowls. We incorporated cheese and scrambled eggs into the day, too.

Wednesday was Purple Day. (Thank you Katie Porter for telling me that KSU was playing! I forgot that you read my blog...HI!!! Miss you!) As pathetic as it sounds, Ryan doesn't have anything purple. For shame! So he wore the most purple shirt he has, which was really more blue. And Kaylin's shirt was light lavender, but still purple. I had an off brand of Chex cereal in the pantry to make Monkey Munch, so we ate that for breakfast with a side of grape juice in purple cups. I planned to make eggplant with dinner, but we had tons of leftovers to get rid of, so I copped out and we ate leftovers.

Thursday and yesterday were both White Day. Thursday is the day I run the mom's group at church and I wasn't paying attention during breakfast or lunch, so I thought the kids got jipped and I decided to repeat white again yesterday. We did have popcorn on Thursday and pasta for dinner.

But yesterday, we ate hard boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, quesadillas with flour tortillas and plain (white) yogurt for lunch, Mike and the kids made homemade vanilla ice cream for his dad's birthday dinner last night plus we had a side of potatoes with dinner and ranch dressing on our side salad. So lots of white ideas.

Today is the last of the colors: Brown Day. We had french toast with whole wheat bread for breakfast, tan dinosaur nuggets for lunch and we're having a golden brown chicken pot pie for dinner. There isn't much brown in my kids' summer wardrobes, but I pulled out a little pink and brown pants outfit for Kaylin and found a plaid shirt for Ryan. I'll probably make something chocolate for dessert...you know...in honor of brown day. Not because I'm PMSing. At all.

Friday, I tried doing Black Day, but Kaylin doesn't own a stitch of black. And other than licorice, there aren't many black foods - well, unless you're a bad cook and burn stuff! I did buy Oreos to bring to a Girl's Night last night and the kids enjoyed a couple of those, so they are black, I guess. But for Kaylin, Friday was pink day. Ryan and I wore black, she wore pink. Again, Ryan doesn't have pink, blah blah blah. We had pink-ish pancakes for breakfast and strawberries with lunch. (yeah, I know, they're red - but we don't do strawberry yogurt around here)

This has been a fun exercise, but Kaylin isn't much closer to knowing her colors. So I guess we'll have to do all of this stuff again and again until she gets it. I don't mind - it brought variety to each day!

Meal Plan - week of 9/22

Monday - Tomato & Spinach Pasta Toss (and eggplant...and broccoli...I have a ton of veggies from the co-op to use up)

Tuesday - Healthy Chicken Pot Pie

Wednesday - Chili and Cornbread

Thursday - Garlic Chicken Farfalle (I'm going to sub in turkey bacon and evaporated milk for the heavy cream, plus I'll throw some veggies in there - we'll see!) and I'm going to try a new Homemade Bread from my little friend Emily

Friday - Date night - no cooking! Leftovers for the kids and my mom.

Saturday - Chicken on the grill with veggies from the co-op and a salad

Sunday - Vegan Shepherd's Pie

Five Layer Mexican Bean Dip

There are a gazillion variations to this and, over the years, it has been one of the standard pot-luck dishes that I bring. I actually saw an interesting, healthier version on Healthy Appetite a few months ago, but I was out of black beans yesterday, so I combined some of her ideas with my tried-and-true recipe and came up with this yummy little number. The corn added a bit of filler (and although starchy, it IS a vegatable) and it was a nice burst of flavor. My brother in law swore he could taste the difference between the yogurt and the sour cream, but he's not used to healthy eating, so I think it just psyched him out. I thought it was a great substitution and couldn't tell the difference at all.

Mexican Layered Bean Dip

1 - 15oz. can refried beans

1/2 cup mayonaise (not Miracle Whip)

1/2 cup sour cream OR plain yogurt (not vanilla or any other flavor)

2-3 t. taco seasoning (or 1/2 of a packet)

2 t. olive oil

1/2 onion, chopped

2 cloves garlic

2 cup frozen corn

1/4 cup cilantro, chopped

3 medium tomatoes, seeded and diced

1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese (or Mexican blend)

• Spread the beans evenly over the bottom of an 8x8 or glass pie dish.
• Combine mayo, sour cream or yogurt and taco seasoning. Spread over the bean layer.
• Heat olive oil in a skillet over medium-high heat. Add the onion and cook 3 minutes until softened. Add the garlic and corn and heat through, about 3 more minutes. Remove from heat and add the cilantro, sprinkling the mixture over the sour cream layer.
• Evenly sprinkle the diced tomatoes, then finally the shredded cheese on top.
• Chill before serving with tortilla chips.

Update on the Changes

Many of you have asked how things are going since I've posted the "Changes" blog. First of all, thank you to everyone for being so encouraging and supportive of me laying it all out there. I was truly overwhelmed by the sweet words in your comments and for those of you who stopped me at church, at the gym, even at the store to tell me how what I had to say spoke to you. An update on how things are going is long overdue.

Let me start by saying that things were not all rainbows and puppy dogs after my post. In fact, that next Monday was one of the hardest days I've had in years. Mike was a little stressed for various reasons and was being short with me and the kids. I responded with respect and kindness time and again. In my opinion, after years of "comfortable" bickering, I think that my "new responses" made him extremely uncomfortable. So he pushed different buttons. And was more spiteful. And pushed harder and harder until I couldn't take it anymore. It was awful - he was acting like a complete stranger and, even in the moment, I knew it was because he didn't know what was going on, but it was still very hurtful.

Instead of lashing back, I left. I didn't storm out, I just grabbed my keys and told him I'd be home later. Under normal circumstances, that might have been okay, but it was 6:05 on a night that we had a Bible study coming over at 7:00 and everyone needed dinner and we needed to quickly clean up, set out the refreshments, put the extra chairs in the family room, change the kids and put them to bed. All in about 45 minutes. So the timing wasn't great, but I was in such a pit that I had to escape.

As I was driving away from the house, I pulled over on a side street, called my BFF again and exploded on her, bursting into tears. To the point that she said several times, "Um, Katie, I can't understand you. Where are you? Slow down...I couldn't make that out. What was that?" I just didn't know how much more I could take. It was at that moment that I realized that I could make all the changes in the world, but it was quite possible that they could go unnoticed for a very, very long time. (granted, it had been 5 days, but still - that reality finally struck me)

Venting on her really got my head back in the game and I went home with a renewed attitude again. It was not welcomed well, but I had strength to continue on.

It took another day or two before I finally decided to lay all my cards on the table for Mike. Well, not all of them, but many of them. I let him know that I was actively trying to correct some bad habits I've gotten into and it was going to take some time, but I was committed to being a different wife and mother for the greater good of our family.

He was shocked. Not for the reasons you think, but because he truly believed that I had been an impossible witch to be around for the last week. I knew with every fiber of my being that his opinion was completely untrue, but unfortunately, he was stuck in an old mindset of me.

I mentioned the conversation to a close friend a few days ago and she told me an interesting story. When she was little, when her dad came home from work, her mom would come completely unglued: venting about her hard day, complaining about this, nagging about that. Her dad finally told her mom one day that he hated coming home to that after a long day of work. So she stopped, cold turkey. She made sure the kids were calm when he came home, dinner was started and the house was tidy. But mostly, she changed her mood and didn't verbally vomit on him when he came home. After about a month, they were in an argument about something and he brought up, again, how he hated coming home to a chaotic household and a nagging wife. She finally pointed out to him that she hadn't done that since his last request and after thinking about it for a few minutes, he realized she was right. He hadn't even noticed.

That was a real eye-opener to me. If our husbands still expect our old ways and a bad attitude, they won't notice changes right away. Likely, they'd blow it off as a fluke or a rare "good day," not seeing the new pattern.

Once I laid it all out there for Mike, things were better for a couple of days. Things weren't perfect and the kids weren't angels, but life was much better than it had been the weekend before. That was right before our vacation to San Diego. On our trip, there were a few times that I felt that Mike overreacted with Ryan, but I bit my lip and didn't say anything. And he noticed, which was encouraging.

The couple we went with have been friends of ours for years. Way before we got married. They have a healthy marriage and even though a couple of their kids are pretty stubborn, they obey their parents.

One night when we were sitting on the patio while the kids slept, this whole issue came up. I vaguely explained that I was making purposeful changes and the husband of the other couple offered some advice about a situation from earlier in the day.

Let me explain what happened: We were walking down the boardwalk to dinner and I heard Ryan (who was with Mike and Kaylin a little farther away) asking for some water. After a few minutes of listening to him beg, a reached into the diaper bag and grabbed his water bottle. Mike seemed appalled and said, "Katie! I told him that he could have his drink when we get to the restaurant!" Not realizing that he'd said that, I apologized. I thought that was the end of it and thought nothing of it.

This other husband suggested a different way of handling it next time. He said that when I realized that Mike had already told Ryan that he couldn't have his water until later, I should have taken the water away from Ryan, said something like, "Sorry, buddy, I didn't hear Daddy say you can't have a drink until we get to the restaurant," and put the water away. That would have re-established Mike's authority instead of undermining him.

That concept was so foreign to me, I didn't know what to say. Many of you are probably thinking the same thing I did: "But he already HAD the water! What's the big deal?" The big deal is that I do little things like that, sometimes as innocently as this situation, too often. What kind of a message does that send the kids? "What Daddy says isn't important. Mommy can override it at any time." I want Mike and I to be a united front and that will never happen if I don't back him up. 100% of the time, even when I think he's being unreasonable, especially in front of the kids. Period.

I may never forget that example because it has transformed the way I think about situations now. For instance, after returning from San Diego, we had all of the chairs set up in the family room before our Bible study again. Ryan was hopping from one chair to the next and Mike told him to get down. The "old me" would have said, "I let him do that a couple of weeks ago - he has fun pretending that the ground is hot lava and he has to stay on the chairs for safety." (Letting Mike "in" on the reason Ryan was hopping on the chairs, since he was out of town the first time I let him do it.) However, that would not have been giving Mike his rightful parental authority. Communicating, "Don't listen to Daddy...Mommy has the final word."

So what did the "new me" do? First, Ryan looked at me, shocked, like, "What gives? You let me do this last time - a little help here, please?" I immediately said, "Ryan, listen to your father and get down," then I turned to Mike and told him the deal about letting him play on the chairs a couple of weeks ago while he was gone. Mike then turned to Ryan and said, "I guess since Mommy let you do that last time, it's okay with me." Ryan ended up getting his way in the end (doing something I deemed as harmless fun and creative play) yet this way, I backed Mike up (and would have, even if he decided Ryan didn't get to play on the chairs that night) and I didn't undermine his request for Ryan to get off the chairs. Part of the point is that I would have supported Mike, no matter what he would have decided.

In my house, I want my husband to be the leader of our family. I know that's not a very popular perspective in our world today, but it's the way that God intended marriages to be, even in 2008. I don't want to be the one who wears the pants in our family...even though I'm substantially louder than Mike! At the end of the day, what he says, goes.

The problem up until this point has been that, even though those were my intentions, when Mike didn't respond to the whole "You gave Ryan his cup when I told him 'no'" situation, I took that as him agreeing that it wasn't a big deal. Instead, he likely decided that it wasn't worth the battle and was quietly frustrated that I undermined him. Thinking back, I'm sure there were feelings of resentment that spilled over into other areas of our marriage.

This whole thing started by me wanting to "fix" my kids' attitude and behavior while Mike was out of town. And I'm still pursuing that as my primary goal. In the meantime, I'm working on speaking sweeter to my husband and being more respectful of him, but I know it could take quite a while to un-do some of the scars we've created over the last nine years.

In the meantime, I can tell you with much excitement that my kids are very different. Very, very different! It didn't take long for them to catch on that Mike and I are on the same page now and that they cannot divide and conquer to get their way. Things haven't been perfect, but they are acting as good as, if not better than, all of those kids I used to sit in awe of that I would see listening to their parents, obeying the first time and behaving in public.

So a new layer has been added to this whole attitude change of mine. It's not only my attitude that needs to be different, but I need to help reestablish Mike as the head of our household. No wonder the kids weren't listening to him before...I was sending them messages not to!

If you're trying to make changes in your own household (and dozens of you have told me that you are) know that it's going to take time. Don't get discouraged. Also, think about letting your husband know what you're doing so he can receive the changes a little bit better.

Ask yourself: Are my actions, attitudes, words, and thoughts bringing strength to my husband? Or are they tearing him down as a man?

Some of these changes are slow-going, but they're so worth it. I'm ready to be the wife and mother my family deserves. Are you?

Feeling Frustrated

I need to vent. Can I do that? Is anyone willing to listen? I just have to get a few things off my chest.

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Mike is a money guy. He's an Accountant, it's in his blood. So when the economy starts getting all crazy, he gets tense. Here's the thing: we are very blessed to have rental homes (Mike's 2 previous houses...the one he had when we got married and the one he had straight out of college) but if Mike could have it his way, we'd sell them, take the money and sock it away somewhere. But we would take a huge loss selling either house in this market, so we continue renting them out. It's working out fine, but it's just another burden to him.

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Given all of this, I've been making some changes over the last few months. I've seen some amazing savings tips on different blogs and I'm always up on the latest sales because of Money Saving Mom. Love it.

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In fact, because of her blog, I got into the CVS game. Does anyone else shop at CVS Pharmacy? I used to only get my prescriptions there because they always seemed to have $25 gift card coupons if you filled a new prescription with them. I'd use the gift cards to pay the co-pay for future prescriptions and that saved us money here and there.

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But there is much more to CVS than meets the eye. This post gives the details on their savings program and if you have further questions about it, read this post. The short version is that when you buy certain products, you get extra cash back (ECBs) toward future shopping trips. Back in July, I spent $20 on my first shopping trip and have shopped there weekly since then, never spending more than a dollar. No joke. Buying toothpaste, deoderant, diapers, stuff that I'd buy anyway, using newspaper coupons stacked on top of their ECBs, plus they'll randomly give out $4 off a $20 purchase coupons...it's really crazy. I have no idea how they make money. (Actually, I think I do...it's a part of the drug industry's conspiracy, I'm sure!)
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I digress. I have gotten tons of free stuff going to CVS, which I thought was saving us a bunch of money. I've also been using Diapers.com for cheaper diapers. They have free shipping on orders over $49, so it's convenient, too. (for a $10 coupon off your first order, use the code: KatieRoose) And I've been doing the produce co-op. And consolidating errands to save gas. And meal planning.

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Let's stop there for a minute. I'm meal planning, yes. But I'm not tailoring it to our budget and I think that's the problem. I basically take inventory of our food and plan our meals for the upcoming week with it. I saw a suggestion once to not make the protein the "star" of the meal (so instead of doing a whole chicken breast per person and 1/2 each for the kids, use only one chicken breast and put it in a casserole or stir fry or something like that) and another idea to work in a vegetarian meal or two into the meal plan. I did that and figured it had to help our bottom line along the way, right?
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OH - and get this: somehow during these last few months, I've managed to gain 7 pounds. And Mike's been complaining about his waistline, too. What's going on here??? My first thought was that, somewhere along the way, we must have increased our portion sizes. I can see this happening because I've been trying new, healthy recipes and some of them are delicious, but even healthy recipes have calories. This could also be directly related to our budget: if I make a meal intended for the four of us intending to have some leftovers and we end up eating it all, well...the extra meal is gone and we've retained all of the calories. Lovely.

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I read on another blog recently that you should only buy food on your shopping list when at the grocery store and I think that's where I'm failing. I routinely shop at Trader Joe's, Costco and Super Walmart. I have the "regular" things I buy, but I'll admit there's lots of impulse buying going on. I'll grab some chicken mango sausage at TJs to throw in the freezer or a quick-fix item to have "just in case." Then the higher priced items are ready to go when I need them, but I'm not taking their cost into consideration when meal planning. It seems like so much more work to think about the total cost of our meals each week and pay attention to every little thing, but I'm starting to realize that it's a necessary evil.

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I'm rambling...my point is this: I thought I've been saving us money, but I haven't. Mike asked me to compare our grocery spending in Quicken from recent months to earlier this year and it's almost identical. Within $20-30 per month, even compared to February thru April, way before I started being really careful. Granted, I should be thrilled since food prices have increased 17% lately, but I'm not. I was positive I was saving us big bucks. Of course, I never actually looked at it on paper, so I was wrong. (*sigh*)

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So I'm feeling frustrated. And overwhelmed at the thought of adding dollar amounts to our meals to make them fit our budget. On Money Saving Mom, she once mentioned that she spends roughly $40 per week on groceries for her family of four. No joke. Her breakfasts and lunches are about $.25-.50 per meal per person and dinners are around $1-$1.50 per person. A maximum of $2 per day for each person's food and household items!

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Knowing that we eat either an apple ($.50 each at TJs) or a Kashi granola bar (one per person) almost every day for a morning snack, and that they're just under $3 for a box of 6 - so $.50 each, I was shocked that I was spending more on a snack than she spends on a whole person's meal. (she's dealing with new-pregnancy morning sickness and has recently increased her weekly budget from $40 to $70 so she can buy more convenience foods...check out this post for some of her meal suggestions with her "increased" grocery spending)

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All that said, I'm motivated to decrease our grocery budget. Without sacrificing our healthy-eating ways. Oh man, this is going to take a lot of brain cells. Does anyone have any tips or guidance because I don't really know where to start!

Farewell, Summer

Despite the fact that it's crazy-hot in Phoenix from May through October, there are many aspects of summer I enjoy and will miss. I decided that since it's officially under 100 degrees and closer to October than August, it's fall. SO my fall stuff is coming out of the garage and I can start pretending to be surrounded by changing leaves and all things autumn.

But first, a tribute to summer. I will miss...

Swimming - the only activity we could do in the afternoons without melting.

Bringing the kids to run through the fountains

Loose schedules - no rushing off to drop Ryan at school

Lots of grilling - though I can't wait to use the oven more once it starts cooling down.

Corn on the cob

All sorts of delicious produce - I could eat a bucket of fruit salad in one sitting...love the stuff.

But mostly, I will miss my husband - he will be parked in the recliner for the next 4 months during college football season. Here he is tonight (a Wednesday) watching my K-State Wildcats on ESPN. College football used to only be on Saturdays...those were the days...

Don't get me wrong...I actually like football. I like it a lot less since it has slowly sucked my husband into the abyss, but still. I like it. And with football, comes fall. I'm ready for park days, leaving my back door open and lots and lots of baking. So bring on the cooler weather!